Proverbs 16:32

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
and he who rules his own spirit than he who takes a city." (Proverbs 16:32 NKJV)

I admit it. I have a tendency to be impatient. When things aren't going as quickly or smoothly as I'd like them, I let out a sigh or I "blow off" (steam?), as my wife calls it. I don't scream and yell or throw things, and if she didn't know me so well (darn!) she may not even notice. But she does. When she asks me, often times from another room, why I'm "blowing off" I sometimes say I'm not "blowing off". But, in fact, I am. And it's often over small things like trying to fix something that isn't cooperating with my master mechanic hands. Yes, that is a joke! Other times it might be when my wife asks, during an inconvenient time for me, for help with a school assignment she's working on. I imagine my late mother's own legendary impatience is an influence. Come to think of it, my dad was not the most patient person around either. Whatever the reasons, it's a characteristic of my behavior that I am certainly not proud of and I know needs changing. And I must take responsibility. Otherwise, just think of what will happen when our little son or daughter needs help with homework, tying a shoe or whatever else. And what kind of example will I set for them?

I heard someone say recently on a radio talk show that "repressed rage is not peace". And it's so true. Though it may go unnoticed by all but those closest to me, the perceived calmness and mellowness of my personality are really poor masks for my reality. We know God is patient and slow to anger and that as we mature and progress in this journey, as He refines us, we are to become more like Him and in the image of His Son. I've come to the realization that my impatience will not disappear on it's own over time. I've also found that when I'm "prayed up" and have the word of Christ dwelling richly within me, my patience meter goes up! I praise the Lord that being connected with Him reconditions my reactions. When I get into trouble is when I allow His words to drift from my mind and I'm not expressing to Him the love, adoration and praise He deserves, and when I'm not humbling myself before Him and otherwise conversing with Him as I ought to. So, I know what works and therefore really have no excuse. By the way, I'm not yet a dad but I understand raising children does a require just a teeny bit of patience in itself.
As a result, I know God is using this time to help prepare me for what's ahead. It's just that I have to be willing to work with him and allow Him to work in me.

Proverbs 25:28 says, "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls". (NKJV) It's really about self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). And this links with the second part of Proverbs 16:32 and ties in perfectly with the first half as well. If I allow myself to get upset (and I'm not talking about holy discontentment) I lose self-control. My prayer is for more of the very things many of us seem to say we need: more time in the Bible and in prayer. And I'll add another; more time fasting. My natural reaction ability to certain things may not be the same as someone else. What I need, and what we all need are supernaturally influenced and empowered reaction abilities. There is no magic pill for me, or anyone else for that matter. However, I fully believe the Lord will condition and recondition us as we become more intimate with Him.